5/12/09

How strange it seems sometimes...
How very strange!

It's going to be his 92'nd birthday...in the next 24 hrs....and the past 24 years are pulling me under....beneath...underneath a pyramid of stars... into a chamber...thru' a tiny tunnel...a deep one...where the reverberations of a childhood sinks down..kneeling to the earth where he once stood..

He is so near ...then, why do they tell me, that I won't see him smiling with the brewing wake of the morn' ?
....and....I remember someone else's words too, today... of how he was giving a calculus exam when he heard of such news himself...and couldn't attend the last rites....and...I feel a crumble inside me....
There's a piece here....and one there...oh, one in that corner tooo...
 
Again words come back to me.... so many, so few all at once... "Aah, all I can do now, is fight...with nature...my surroundings, even the air maybe..." : he would have said...

An Iron Masked day grumbles in sleep...as I lay sleepless those wee hours of dawn...
Recollection retreats ....escaping into the arms of abstruse dominion...
A blanket of his arms tucks me in.... Yes, he's there... He's still there...right here....
Disappearance? 
Along with the melody?
His hum surrounds today, releasing me from this mantle of weariness...
Fatigue takes the form of incoherence....yet....it couldn't look more crystalline...
The clarity will stay with me....nostalgia will too...
His gaze in my eyes began the memories inside...and with each day, each li'l bundle of moments will encompass my whole world...my very own.. 


P.S. ~ Sudden flashes of Endymion's Dadu...that picture of Tua and him....
Strange! Just so strange!

The word ''strange'' is synonymous with me, today..

Sehnsucht..

Blades of grass,
Over the playful smoke;
Monotonous;
Ebbing a faraway shrill,
Winter-borne..

The endless blue above him..
Interrupting the barren white..
Sky;
Oh, an Empty sky..
Arched over,
The picture of a man..

Dismantled azure,
Moored by the river green..
and dust..
A tranquil gray..
She rode her little boat..
Listless crooning of moondrops..
Parting her Iris..
Swarming;
Ripples of remembrance..
In Snatches of his lyric.

In the End...

Haven't written past few months... refrained.. restrained... Guess it happens when one feels overwhelmed... esoteric..maybe…
Can't complain either... It was my decision… One always has a choice ..ahh, they do..

Ummmm…. Retrospection..? Oh, that strange diversion into a path of deflection.. which seems like a whirl of tiniest of mazes…..where nostalgia takes the form of deletions and absence…leading to a finale of "cantata de vie"…in its puppet dance…as the unfeeling ‘us’ waltz to it’s beats…callow…unprepared..

Hearing my voice feels strange now, remembering an odd room filled with laughter where I taught Monday last… or the choking words which still haven’t left my heart after I heard of stale death, which I would feel for the rest of my life…
A smile insulting my sullen lips remains…sobs don’t come anymore…sniffles desert..
Ironic!
They’d left me long ago…and suddenly as I type these words…that sketch..seeps in..

It was mine…in the eyes which taught me to see the world....
and..
..my abstract remains bleak and gives way..…
Because;
This time...The unconsoled stark chasm will stay.. in remembrance and my soul..forever..

TO MY GRANDFATHER....

Cataclysm...

The tree falls dead in the sometime around noon... perishing thoughts...of a deluge...

Ahh..the crawling time...which is fleeting now, feels eaten away... Numb leaves peek at the ground... overshadowed by the sky...
Roots imbibed soft bristles..sways... of a genial amour.. The chime of carillon, It felt, when the leaves spoke to each other...blushing in their whispers...

Relevance fades...disappears;

All that remains is the gusty wind...which turns back a leaflet or two...bringing to life a vignette....in it's indelible embrace...
And...
..the boughs surrender...to the caustic grains of scattered sand...stooping...never to rise again...

Curled..

Invisible..

Eclectic..

Long, long back, he told me that prosaic words sound better than poetic ones.. Prolly able to put forth a blended array of shades at the same time…

There maybe different skies in various contours…but the drifting clouds are the same ones.. in little words.. in a glance maybe ..or a breath? I speak to you, as I speak to my soul...in aparajita and anusua….and a world with tiny bundles of joys… Written across pages of my eyes…by this river.. by that sea…

In an ursine utopia,
Smothered in sweet lullabies,
Felt in songs past mid-night,
Touched in the gentle foray into the summer,
Trickled time..
Vagabond and slobbered..

~
Love,
Me..

Abysmal..

Along came a needless meaning of simplicity.. a well-thought spindle of ideas...which came undone...and I wrote in syllables, in which I sang once, remembering the odd, accidental fragments of rain and streams.... and Mahananda beckoned me this time, along with the emptiness of it's drenched bossom...where I lay, where I played, where I swam...As the July sun shivered, it's fervor bequeathed... I grasped the the jazz of the gleaming rays...hiding it in my eyes..

Hajar bolaka jeno pakha nare..
Duronto jhornar nrityo bahare..
Sagorer dheu aachhriye more..
Pathore Pathore..

Keu bole bhalobashe..
Aalingone..chumbone..
Podoseba shikto shinchone..

Ami boli..
Pathorer'o aachhe mon..
Aaghate na jani kokhon..
Premer porosh bojhe..
Shobujer aalogochhe..
Tobu rikto ekhon..

Soulstice..

There are times when the emptiness of stones comes as an irony... You suddenly begin to identify with it.
You start to perceive things closing in on the walls of your eyes....eyes which seek just one person... It's not always the need for a finger to hold and kiss..more so a faraway longing on the insides...within the soul...of a "soul"... Suddenly, things start to form a maze where you're lost yet found when the fingers curl in around you....when the soul sets inside you....and you regret no more.. Coz you don't have the fear if having let someone down...of having pained someone... No one needs someone...It's their affection that makes one long, perhaps...As I settle down into a dusty corner near an old table... My pen drips of blame... the detest one feels for one's self when they hurt their own soul...bruise it, maybe... I can't undo things... and my fingers come reeling back inside my heart..clenching...a palm faraway..